Inside my love

I know a lot of my blogs have be surrounded by this recent breakup I have had in my life, and I am not sorry for it all. It was a huge part of my life, and obviously this is a big void in my life.

That being said, something that constantly has been on my mind is the void that someone develops after a meaningful relationship. This can be a relationship with an ex lover, friend, or even family member. When thinking back on my life, I accept the void, and it takes me awhile to fill it. There are some people out there that experience a loss of someone, and think they need to fulfill this void right away. They will settle for something less than what they think is the best because they want to fill that gapping hole that this certain person once had. I completely disagree with that, in fact like previously stated, I am the complete opposite. I feel like it is a waste of everyones time to go hunting after experiencing rejecting. People will prey and hunt on the week, trying to use some sort of “game” to win this person over. Whether it may be simple texting games to even like-to-like on instagram. Its bullshit what social media has done to our generation, and I feel like too many people develop feelings over some petty bullshit that in the end isnt really want they want. So they will then leave, and go hunt for someone else. There is nothing more repulsive than someone who can’t be alone. You see it all the time in men and women, jumping from partner to partner, relationship to relationship, just because they dont want to be alone, and they dont truly want to find out who they actually are.

I went through a phase in my life, where all I cared about was going out and getting fucked up, and fucking. Everyone loves sex, it feels good, it sends these amazing signals to your brain, and you have a sense of satisfaction. Recently reading a past article the writer nailed it on the head talking about how there is a difference between meaningless sex, and romantic love making. How meaningless sex can be fun, but as soon as it is over, there is no satisfaction, that you kind of lay there debating on whether to go home or not. Where romantic love making is pure fire. When you have this type of sex, you are almost in a psychedelic state, that the foreplay feels amazing, that during feels amazing, that the climax feels like pure ecstasy, and  afterwards, you lay there with your partner in pure satisfaction. You aren’t thinking about how to slip out of there in the morning, or if you were good, or whatever. Your brain is still sending off these ogasmic chemicals and you feel so amazing. One thing my ex girlfriend and I tried to accomplish towards the end of our relationship was to not just “fuck” each other, but yet have this amazing love making connection. (I probably should have seen this as a sign that our relationship was falling apart, but obviously didnt) When you have that connection with someone everything is better, not just the sex, but even the eggs in the morning, or laying around together.. everything flows as it should and feels fucking amazing.

Thats what people who “partner-hop” dont understand, that they will never experience this satisfaction. Instead they will be looking for the next person to fuck. Human beings are crazy. Our thoughts, actions, feelings, everything is so crazy and unexplainable, but one thing I have noticed is we crave this sex-hormone from other people. Whether being in a relationship or not, people enjoy being around the opposite sex, and this sex-hormone compels people to go out and have sex. Now back to my frat days, I would act on these instinct and prey on the weak. Playing those stupid fucking games just to get laid or conquer some sexual conquest. After being in love I have realized how much potential this sort of connection with someone can lead to. Not only does it feel good to be with someone you really like, but feels fucking amazing when this person really likes you as well. You mutual want to be around each other, and feel this euphoria of bliss, no matter what the agenda is.

Looking back, I realize why The Bible as well as words of my parents and others when saying “you should wait and give your virginity to someone special” When you wait and give it to someone you really like, and they really like you.. its amazing. What I have learned is as soon as I got out of my previous relationship shit was obviously different. I had girls coming out texting me and telling me how bad they want to hang out, ect. Back 2 years ago, I would be literally driving to their house before we even got off the phone.. but after seeing and feeling this void, I kind of like just being by myself. It feels good just doing my own thing and making myself happy. Why give in to these thirsty people that are looking for the sex-hormone, when all you will really lose is another ticket, to someone who didn’t mean shit to you. Even texting some of these girls I realize we have nothing in common, our conversations are boring, and we are both after one thing. But in the end, why? Why should I put in all this work to just give/receive the sex-hormone from the other person? Because it feels good? That is just stupid. Sex was never meant to be a recreational activity. Go to the gym, the pump feels just as good, as arnold schwarzenegger once said, that the pump feels just as good as cumming. So with that being said, why just give in to someone who doesnt deserve it? Why give up something that has the potential to be so romantic and beautiful, for a night of fun, when in the morning you look at yourself in the mirror and almost feel disgusted.

Yeah dry spells fucking suck, but I would much rather go months of no sex to find someone to connect with that I once did, than to just give it up like I used to. We are becoming adults, stop fucking around.. Thats what our teenage years were for. Find someone that builds you up, and you build them up. More importantly find someone who you like, and who fucking likes you, because I promise that everything will be so much better.


Conquer Life (and the bedroom with that special someone)



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